Sunday, April 11, 2021

Marriage Bed

For the first time in forever (go ahead cue the music because it’s playing in my head too.) I have actual bedroom furniture. 

Headboard, footboard, and side table.  It’s odd because my bedroom finally feels like a grown-up adult bedroom like married people have. It’s ironic because it comes when the marriage has dissolved. Bedroom furniture was never huge on the must-have list when I was married.  Other purchases always seemed more important. Funny, now that I actually have a grown-up bedroom, I have no marriage. Life is like that. Some things don’t happen in sequence and hardly ever does life happen in your preferred sequence.

I am proud of this bed. I picked the color independently of anyone else’s input. I painted, finished, and assembled it all my myself. Maybe with a little (a lot of) help from Hilde -it is a Tempur-pedic mattress; those suckers are heavy.

The bed also makes me sad because well, independent and by myself.  Can you feel accomplished and morose at the same time?  The circumstances are all wrong. I never planned to have bedroom furniture and never planned to be divorced. Yet here I am.

I’ve spent the better part of two years learning to accept all the circumstances as they present themselves. Coming to know that yes confidence and heartbreak can be neighbors. Beauty and sadness make strange but familiar bedfellows.  Life is full of all the things, some of which I can control and some of which I learn to accept.  Embracing all of it no matter what the sequence creates the most joy.  It creates the joy that isn't shallow or fleeting. Instead, this joy is fought for, hard won.  It isn't going anywhere because it isn't based on circumstances. I know that even when the world turns upside down and things are definitely not going my way, that life is still beautiful.  I’ll take the sadness and accomplishment and soak up every minute of this crazy existence, knowing that even though it didn’t happen in the right way and the right time, it’s the right life.

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